Story : “Impo” and “Nympho”
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Humor in Uniform
Story by Vikram Karve
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“IMPO” AND “NYMPHO”
STORY By VIKRAM KARVE
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Circa — 1970’s
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PART 1
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THE PARTY
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“Why hasn’t your wife come for the party…?” the “Old Man” asked “Impo”.
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(“Old Man” is a term of endearment for the Commanding Officer or Captain of a Ship)
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The “Old Man” asked “Impo” why his wife hadn’t come for the party.
In reply — “Impo” gave the usual excuse.
“Sir — she is not well…” said “Impo” to the “Old Man”.
“Oh…” the “Old Man” said, “hope she gets well soon…”
And then — the “Old Man” walked away towards the ladies.
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“Impo” smiled at us — and then — he went to the bar to get a drink.
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When “Impo” had gone away — Horny looked at me and spoke.
“Impo” is telling lies — his wife is absolutely okay — I saw both of them walking down Marine Drive in the evening…” Horny said to me.
I was curious on hearing this — so — I decided to ask Horny about it.
“If she is okay — why hasn’t “Impo” got his wife to the party…? In fact — the “Old Man” has organized this party for us to meet the newly posted officers and their wives…” I said to Horny.
“You know the reputation of “Old Man” — don’t you…? He has got a “roving eye” — so — probably “Impo” is scared that “Old Man” may seduce his wife…” Horny said — with a naughty smile.
“Oh — is she beautiful…?” I asked Horny.
“Beautiful…? She is a “smasher” — she looks sizzling “hot” and very sexy. If “Old Man” sees her — he will go crazy. Maybe that’s why “Impo” has kept her safely hidden at home — away from the “roving eyes” of randy buggers like our “Old Man”…” Horny said to me.
“Oh…” I said — when I suddenly saw the “Old Man” standing near us — as if appearing from nowhere.
Horny and Me — we were so engrossed in our conversation that we hadn’t noticed the arrival of the “Old Man”.
“I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation — you said that Mrs. XXX is fit and fine…” the “Old Man” said to Horny.
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(the “Old Man” used the actual name of “Impo” — “XXX”…)
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“Yes, Sir…” Horny said, “I saw her walking on Marine Drive in the evening…”
“Do you know her house…?” the “Old Man” asked Horny.
“Yes, Sir…” Horny said.
“Good…” the “Old Man” said to Horny, “Take my car and go and get her…”
“Sir — I don’t know how to drive a car…” Horny said.
The “Old Man” looked at me and raised his eyebrow.
“Do you know how to drive a car…?” the “Old Man” asked me.
“Yes, Sir — I know how to drive a car…” I said.
“Good — you take my car and go and get her…” the “Old Man” said — taking out the car keys from his pocket and giving them to me, “it’s the white Fiat parked outside…”
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So — Horny and Me — we drove down to Impo’s house — and I rang the doorbell.
A woman opened the door.
I was stunned by her beauty.
She looked ravishing — so sensuous — so tantalizing — so alluring — that I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
Yes — she was very attractive — a real “sex bomb”.
Looking at her — I realized why Horny had nicknamed her “Nympho”.
She was standing in the door — with the light behind her.
She was wearing a flimsy nightie.
The rays of light from the bright electric bulb penetrated through the almost transparent fabric — and I could see the curvaceous silhouette of her shapely body quite clearly.
My hungry eyes travelled all over her body and lingered exactly where they shouldn’t have.
I felt ashamed of having eyed her body so brazenly.
So — I quickly moved my eyes away from her beautiful body and lowered my glance.
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After some time — I looked up at her.
She seemed nonchalant — oblivious of the stirring sensual vibes she was radiating — standing as she was in her negligee with the light behind her.
I was tempted to look at her sensuous curves forever — when I sensed that Horny was poking me from behind.
I felt embarrassed — so — I tried to look innocent while speaking to her in a soft voice.
“Good Evening, Ma’am — we have come to take you for the party…” I said to her.
“Party…?” she said — looking surprised.
“Didn’t your husband tell you…?” I said to her.
“No — he didn’t say anything about a party — he said he was going for a drink with his friends…” she said.
“There is a party in the Captain’s house — for all officers and their wives — the Captain and his wife especially want to meet wives of all newly joined officers — so — he has sent us to get you — please come…” I said to her.
“Of course, I’ll come — I love parties — please come in and sit in the living room — I’ll go inside and change…” she said with a smile.
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So — Horny and Me sat on the sofa in the living room while “Nympho” went inside to change and get ready.
She came out wearing a saree.
She had worn her saree in a manner that was so revealing — that it left nothing to imagination.
Her shapely breasts were boldly outlined under the low-cut flimsy blouse.
She had tucked her saree tightly — and worn it low — accentuating the curves of her well-proportioned derriere — and — enhancing the sex appeal of her smooth stomach adorned with a beautiful perfectly shaped navel.
Her body was exquisite — she looked temptingly attractive — and — she radiated a raw steamy sensuousness — which stimulated a stirring in my loins.
Never before had the mere sight of a woman aroused me to such an extent.
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Her voice broke my trance.
“Are you going to keep staring at me — or — shall we go…” she said — with a naughty smile.
“Of course…” I said, embarrassed, “let’s go…”
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We drove — with “Nympho” sitting beside me — and Horny behind in the rear seat.
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I wondered about the reaction of our “Old Man” when he would see “Nympho”.
“Our “Don Juan” Roving-Eye “Old Man” would go crazy on seeing “Nympho”…” I imagined in my mind’s eye — I was quite sure what our “Old Man” would try to do.
“He would surely try to seduce her…” I thought to myself.
And — that is exactly what happened.
The “Old Man” seemed mesmerized by “Nympho” — he was trying his best to charm her — and — she too was playing along — titillating him.
Looking at the way in which they were sensually “vibing” with each other — it was quite clear what was going to happen between them in the near future — it was going to be a torrid carnal love affair.
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I looked at the ravishing “Nympho” — and then — at her prosaic husband “Impo”.
How aptly Horny had nicknamed the couple — “Impo” and “Nympho”.
I felt sad for “Impo” — and I understood why he wanted to keep his wife “Nympho” away from “Casanovas” like our “Old Man”.
I also felt a tinge of guilt for bringing “Nympho” to the party and exposing her to our libidinous “Old Man”.
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PART 2
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THE MORNING AFTER THE PARTY
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Next morning — while we were having our mid-morning tea during stand-easy in the wardroom — the XO came in and said he wanted to speak to us.
“There has been an unfortunate incident last night…” he said to us.
“Incident…? At the party…?” we asked him.
“Yes — the “Old Man” says that his grandfather’s gallantry medal is missing…” the XO said.
“Grandfather’s gallantry medal…?” we asked — curious.
“His grandfather was awarded a gallantry medal in the First World War — it was kept in the showcase in his living room — he noticed after the party that it had disappeared — he is very upset — it was a treasured family heirloom…” the XO said.
“I remember the medal — the “Old Man” was showing it to us proudly…” someone said.
“It must have been misplaced somewhere…” Horny said.
“He and his wife have been searching from morning — they can’t find it…” the XO said.
“The servants…?” someone speculated.
“No — the “Old Man” says his servants are with him for many years and they are absolutely trustworthy…” the XO said.
“I don’t think a medal would cost much — it is not worth stealing…” someone said.
“It is not a question of cost — I told you it is his family heirloom — it has tremendous sentimental value for him — that’s why he is so upset…” the XO said.
“Is he suspecting us…? His own officers…?” Horny asked, angrily.
“I don’t know — the “Old Man” has gone home to thoroughly search for the missing medal once again — and he is going to question his servants too…” the XO said, “he wants to speak to all officers once he returns — so — be around — we will assemble here in the wardroom when the “Old Man” comes back…”
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PART 3
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THE HEIRLOOM
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The “Old Man” — our Captain — he returned to the ship after one hour — and — we assembled in the Wardroom.
The Captain walked into the Wardroom and he looked at us.
He was livid — very angry.
“The XO must have told you about my grandfather’s first world war gallantry medal — it is our family heirloom — very precious to me — the medal was in the showcase last night — in fact — during the party I showed it to some officers and ladies — and now — in the morning — I noticed that it is missing…” the Captain said to us.
“Sir — are you suspecting us…? Your own officers…?” Horny asked the Captain.
“I don’t know what to say — but — everyone who was at the party is suspect…” the Captain said — matter-of-factly.
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Just then — “Impo” walked into the Wardroom.
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“Where the hell were you…?” the XO shouted at him.
“I had gone home to get the missing medal…” Impo said to the XO.
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Then — “Impo” held out the encased medal and gave it to the Captain.
“Sir — your grandfather’s medal…” he said to the Captain.
“So — you are the bugger who had stolen it…?” the Captain shouted at “Impo”.
“No, Sir — my wife had stolen it…” Impo said — looking contrite.
“Your wife…?” the Captain said — taken aback.
“Yes, Sir — my wife stole it — she is a kleptomaniac…” Impo said — looking embarrassed.
What…? Your wife is a kleptomaniac…?” the Captain asked “Impo”.
“Yes, Sir — if she likes something — she gets an uncontrollable urge to steal it — she must have liked the medal — so — she stole it — I am fed up, Sir — she has a trunk in her room where she keeps all the things she steals — the moment I came to know that the medal was missing — I rushed home and searched in her trunk and I found the medal there…” confessed “Impo” — with tears in his eyes.
“A trunk…? She has a trunk full of stolen things…?” the XO asked “Impo”.
“Yes, Sir — it is filled with all sorts of things that she has stolen from various places — from shops, from homes of friends, from anywhere and everywhere — all sorts of items — even spoons from restaurants — if she likes something — she gets such an overpowering irresistible urge to steal it — that she can’t control herself — so — she just steals the item — brings it home — and puts in in her trunk — most of the stuff has no real value — in any case she just keeps the items in the trunk — or stashes it away somewhere in the house…” an embarrassed “Impo” said.
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We were dumbstruck on hearing this — and — for some time — there was a grotesque silence in the wardroom.
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“Isn’t there any cure for kleptomania…?” the Captain asked “Impo”.
“Sir — I have tried everything — but now — I have given up hope — it seems her kleptomania is incurable — so — I try my best to avoid situations where she may be tempted to steal — that’s why I didn’t want to bring her to the party last night…” an anguished “Impo” said — looking hapless and inconsolable.
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VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
3. E&OE
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Link to my source blog posts in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2022/04/impo-and-nympho-story.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2022/04/21/impo-and-nympho/ etc.
Continued from Part 1 of this story posted in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2022/04/unfinished-story-impo-and-nympho.html and in my writing blog at url: https://karve.wordpress.com/2022/04/21/impo-and-nympho-part-1-unfinished-story/ and https://vikramkarve.medium.com/short-story-impo-and-nympho-f5c7f82a2270 and https://karve.wordpress.com/2023/01/17/impo-and-nympho-a-story/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2024/01/23/humor-impo-and-nympho/ etc
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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