Marriage Wisdom : What to do if your spouse doesn’t like you
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MARRIAGE WISDOM by VIKRAM KARVE
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Do You “Like” Your Husband/Wife…?
Does your Husband/Wife “Like” You…?
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In my case — I like my wife.
However — I am not sure if my wife likes me.
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Suppose — your spouse doesn’t like you.
What do you do in such a situation…?
Read on…
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WHAT TO DO IF YOUR SPOUSE DOESN’T “LIKE” YOU
Musings of “Much Married” Veteran Vikram Karve
Self-Help Blog
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DOES YOUR SPOUSE “LIKE” YOU…?
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If you are married — have you asked yourself the moot question:
“Does your spouse like you…?”
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In a “Love Marriage” — this question is irrelevant.
Yes — in a “Love Marriage” — it doesn’t make any sense to ask the question:
“Does your spouse like you…?”
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LOVE MARRIAGE
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In a “Love Marriage” — the husband and wife marry because they are in “love”.
And — the very fact that they are in “love” — means that the husband and wife “like” each other.
If you “love” someone — you obviously “like” that person.
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Because — “ipso facto” :
If you don’t “like” a person — how can you fall in “love” with that person…?
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And — conversely:
How can you “love” a person who you don’t “like”…?
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So — in a “Love Marriage” — it is obvious that the husband and wife “like” each other.
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ARRANGED MARRIAGE
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However — in “Arranged Marriages” — the situation is entirely different.
When I was in the Navy — I saw many marriages where the wife did not seem to “like” the husband — or vice versa.
Of course — these were all “arranged marriages”.
Why go further — even in my case — after more than 42 years 4 months and 5 days of marriage — I still cannot accurately fathom whether my wife actually “likes” me or not — though — over the years — I seem to have developed a liking for her.
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We got married on 30 May 1982
I like my wife.
However — I am not sure if my wife likes me.
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If you feel that your spouse doesn’t like you — have you ever wondered what could be the reasons…?
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There can be countless reasons why your spouse may not “like” you.
Every husband and wife may have their own unique reasons why they don’t like their partner.
However — a few years ago — I heard a phrase which encompasses and encapsulates all these myriad reasons in a nutshell.
The phrase is:
“compatibility issues”
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Yes — “compatibility issues” is a catch-all term which encapsulates reasons for marital disharmony.
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COMPATIBILITY ISSUES
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Let me tell you how I heard of this term — “compatibility issues”.
A few years ago — I attended the wedding of a “Techie” Boy — an “IT Nerd” who lived in our residential society as a bachelor — “chummery“ style — with 3 other boys in a 3 BHK Flat in another “Tower” in our gated community residential complex.
We would meet in the gym and swimming pool.
Just before his marriage — he shifted to a distant residential complex in the suburbs where he had rented a 2 BHK Flat where he intended to live with his newly wedded wife after marriage.
Three years later — while strolling on Main Street — I suddenly ran into him.
The “Techie” Boy was with his wife.
He introduced me to his wife.
His wife gave me a courteous smile — and she said that she was glad to meet me.
The “Techie” Boy’s Wife behaved with me as if she didn’t know me.
She gave the impression as if this was the first time she was seeing me.
I was surprised — since I had attended their marriage just three years ago.
And generally — no one forgets my face — thanks to my handsome beard — and my rather “abrasive personality”.
“Don’t you remember me…?” I asked the young lady.
“No — I don’t think we have met before…” she said to me.
“Well — I attended your wedding reception…” I said.
“How is that possible…? We had a very private marriage ceremony…” she said.
I noticed a strange expression on my “Techie” friend’s face — as if he was non-verbally telling me not to ask these intrusive questions.
So — I did not pursue the conversation further.
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In order to change the topic — I suggested that we have some rolls, sandwiches and cold coffee at one of my favourite places just opposite the road.
Once inside the eatery — when the “Techie” Boy’s Wife was seated — and “Techie” Boy and Me — we were standing near the self-service counter — the young “Techie” Boy told me that this lady was his Second Wife.
He had divorced his first wife — whose wedding I had attended 3 years ago.
And — he got remarried just one month ago to this woman — his second wife.
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I was taken aback — and embarrassed too — for mistaking his second wife for his first wife.
“Oh — I am sorry — I had met your first wife only once at the wedding reception 3 years ago — and that too for a fleeting moment — so — maybe — I didn’t remember your first wife’s face very clearly and got confused. But — tell me — what happened — why did your first marriage break-up so quickly — why did you get divorced within 3 years of your wedding…?” I asked.
“Actually — we got divorced within 2 years — but the marriage had broken down much earlier — within a year of our wedding…” he said.
“What went wrong…? What was the reason for your divorce…?” I asked him.
“Compatibility Issues…” he said.
That’s all he said.
He simply said that his marriage broke up because of “compatibility issues”.
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What a simple all-encompassing expression for breakup of a marital relationship:
“compatibility issues”
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Call it a coincidence — but the very next morning — I read on ‘Page 3’ of a tabloid — that a small-time celebrity had said — that her marriage broke up due to “compatibility issues”.
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I laughed to myself.
If “compatibility” had been an “issue” — my wife and I would have been divorced at least a thousand times by now.
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But — jokes apart — I seem to have digressed from the moot question:
Does your spouse “like” you…?
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As I have said — there can be umpteen reasons why a wife does not like her husband — or vice versa — there may be even more reasons why a husband does like his wife.
So — if your spouse doesn’t like you — what do you do…?
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WHY DOESN’T YOUR SPOUSE “LIKE” YOU…?
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In literature — many stories, novels and plays have been written on this theme.
One notable story I remember on this theme of a wife who does not like her husband is:
THE WREATH by Luigi Pirandello.
I read the English translation of this story in the short fiction anthology GREAT SHORT STORIES OF THE WORLD published by Reader’s Digest.
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In this story — a young woman who is 22 years old is married to a 40 year old man.
Yes — the husband is 18 years older than the wife.
The youthful wife doesn’t like her middle-aged husband.
And — why does she not “like” her husband — who is a kindhearted doctor…?
When the woman was an 18 year old girl — she had fallen in love with a boy.
But — sadly — the boy suddenly died due to typhus.
The same doctor had been called to treat the boy and was by the boy’s bedside when he died.
Stricken by grief — the girl almost lost her mind — she sank into depression and became a recluse.
She refused to get married — and — she declined many good matrimonial offers.
Sometime later — the doctor proposed to her — and — surprisingly — the girl accepted.
Everyone else was surprised too — since the doctor was 18 years older than the girl.
Soon — the doctor realized that his young wife did not like him.
The doctor loved his young wife — but she did not like him.
In her heart — she still yearned for her first love — the young boy — her dead lover — and she secretly placed a wreath at his grave on every anniversary of his death.
One day — the doctor accidentally discovered this.
What happened next — for that — you will have to read the story.
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But — the moot question is:
Why did the young wife not “like” her husband…?
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Was it because of the age difference — because her husband was much older than her…?
Was it because of her love affair with the boy — her first lover — who she was unable to forget — although he was dead…?
Or — to use my newly learnt all-encompassing clichéd phrase:
Was it due to “compatibility issues”…?
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CONCLUSION
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LIKES DISLIKES AND MARRIAGE
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Dear Friends:
If you are “enduring” an arranged marriage — and — if you feel that your spouse does not “like” you — just put it down to “compatibility issues”.
And — once you have consoled yourself that your spouse does not like you because of “compatibility issues” — don’t bother too much about it — and just get on with your “happy” married life.
If your spouse likes you — well and good.
If your spouse doesn’t like you — don’t feel bad about it — don’t get demoralized — just bash on regardless.
If you want to enjoy your married life — don’t delve too much.
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Did you like this blog…?
If so — please read my blog:
HOW TO “SURVIVE” INCOMPATIBLE MARRIAGE
https://karve.wordpress.com/2023/09/21/how-to-survive-incompatible-marriage/
I am sharing my experience for the benefit of everyone.
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VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:
- This is a spoof, light-hearted fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
- All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
- E&OE
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No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/06/arranged-marriage-woes-do-you-like-your.html
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
I wrote this article 9years ago in 2015 and I have posted it online a number of times earlier in my various blogs.
Link to my original post in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal: https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/09/16/incompatible-marriage-guide-part-2-what-to-do-if-you-dont-like-your-spouse-husband-wife-or-your-spouse-doesnt-like-you/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/08/does-your-wife-like-you.html and in my writing blog at url: https://karve.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/does-your-spouse-like-you/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/07/26/does-your-husband-wife-like-you/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/12/16/what-to-do-if-your-spouse-doesnt-like-you/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2023/09/21/does-your-spouse-like-you-2/ etc
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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