Marriage Mantra : “Divorce is Not an Option”
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IS DIVORCE INCREASING AMONG MILLENIALS…?
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I read a social media post by a young friend that more than 50% of her classmates were divorced.
She wondered what could be the reason for such a high rate of divorce among millennials.
In our generation — who got married in the 1970’s and 1980’s — the incidence of divorce was very rare.
The social media post and comments thereon reminded me of a blog post I had written many years ago.
Here is the story updated and revised for easy reading on the digital screen.
Maybe — one of the reasons for the low incidence of divorce in our generation is given in the article below.
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MARRIAGE MANTRA
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Let me say that we — my “Better Half” and I — we cannot boast of an ideal marriage — a perfect marriage — or — a “successful” marriage.
However — we can certainly say that we have had an “enduring” marriage — a “durable” long-lasting relationship.
After more than 42 years of married life together — we can certainly claim to be a “much married” couple.
(Our marriage has survived for 42 Years 3 Months 104 Days as on today)
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Despite “compatibility issues” and conflicting temperaments — how has our marriage survived for more than 42 years…?
Simple.
We believed in the Marriage Mantra:–
“Divorce is not an option”
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Recently — I saw a movie in which an engaged couple (and their lawyers) were discussing their Prenuptial Agreement before getting married.
Even before getting married — the couple — the fiancé and fiancée — they had doubts about their relationship and they were worried that their marriage would breakup and fail.
And just imagine — it was a “love” marriage.
On the other hand — in an “arranged” marriage — total strangers are confident that the marriage will last for long and succeed.
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Dear Reader:
Are you married — or — are you thinking of getting married…?
Do you think that divorce is an option…?
Or — do you feel that divorce is not option…?
Read on…
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DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION
Marriage Mantra
By
VIKRAM KARVE
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We — my wife and I — we got married on 30 May 1982.
Today — on 11 September 2024 — we complete 42 Years 3 Months 104 Days of married life.
Ours was an arranged marriage.
There was no “love” involved.
We are certainly not a “made for each other” couple.
In fact — we were — and we still are — a terribly incompatible couple.
Our marriage is perpetually “on the rocks”.
We survive marriage on a day-to-day basis.
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PROPHECY BY MY FRIEND’S WIFE
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I remember a true story that happened just before our marriage in May 1982.
We had gone to IAT Pune to invite my Navy Friends to our wedding.
(my Navy friends were doing a post-graduate course in IAT — where I became an Instructor and Professor later).
The wife of a good friend — a lady who knew me closely — she observed my “would-be-wife” carefully.
My friend’s wife commented to her husband that “our marriage would not last for even 10 days…”
Yes — she said that our marriage wouldn’t last for even 10 days.
My friend landed up on our 10th wedding anniversary on 30 May 1992 — with a bottle of champagne — and he made his wife eat her words.
She had prophesied that we would split in 10 days — but we were still together for 10 years.
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But — what the lady had said — her prophesy that our marriage would not last for even 10 days — it did have a ring of truth in it.
My wife and I are indeed an incongruous couple — we are poles apart in all aspects.
We have huge differences of opinion on almost all matters — we fight a lot — we criticize each other — we shout at each other — we never hide our feelings — especially when we don’t like something — and we call a spade a spade.
We don’t indulge in “lovey-dovey” Public Displays of Affection (PDA) — and — we don’t indulge in “niceties” — like giving each other gifts — or celebrating occasions like birthdays and anniversaries.
Ours may be a rather volatile and “loveless” relationship — but there is nothing fake about our relationship.
In these modern times — when even passionate “love marriages” breakup and end in divorce — why is it that our rather prosaic “incompatible” marriage has stood the test of time…?
There is just one reason.
Both my wife and I were always clear about one thing:
“DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION”
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That is our “Marriage Mantra”:
“Divorce is Not An Option”
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Dear Reader — you may not agree with this rather rigid “Marriage Mantra” — but it has worked for us — at least till now.
Tell us — what is your “Marriage Mantra”…?
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FOOD FOR THOUGHT
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Let is ponder on the social media post by my young millennial friend that more than 50% of her classmates are divorced.
Is making divorce easier one of the reasons for increasing instances of divorce…?
Or — are there other “push” and “pull” reasons for divorce…?
Is it reasons like lack of patience and compassion, too much self-centredness, lack of empathy, overweening ambition, intolerance etc. that are resulting in divorce…?
Before they decide to divorce — are the individuals sure that their life will improve after divorce…?
Do young divorcing couples realise all the ramifications of divorce…?
Are they aware that there are many “stakeholders” affected by their divorce…?
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I was aghast to see a social media post that divorce should be “celebrated”.
How can one “celebrate” a divorce…?
Divorce is the “death” of a marriage — a close and intimate relationship.
And — like all deaths — the “death” of a relationship is a sad event — to be mourned — not celebrated.
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TO DIVORCE OR NOT TO DIVORCE
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In this context — I suggest you read my article:
URL: https://karve.wordpress.com/2023/12/22/to-divorce-or-not-to-divorce-catwoe-ethical-analysis/
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Dear Reader:
As always — I look forward to your views and comments — especially contrarian views and opinions.
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VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Link to my source blog post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/05/divorce-is-not-option-marriage-mantra.html
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
Repost of my story DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION posted online earlier at url: https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/for-you-is-divorce-an-option/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/05/divorce-is-not-option.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/08/09/divorce-is-not-an-option-marriage-mantra/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/05/24/marriage-mantra-divorce-is-not-an-option/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2022/01/18/divorce-is-not-an-option/ etc
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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