Humor : She Called Me “Neutral”
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SHE CALLED ME “NEUTRAL”
Unforgettable Vignettes from my Navy Life
Story from My IAT Pune Days by Vikram Karve
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I had three stints as Faculty in the Institute of Armament Technology (IAT) Girinagar Pune — the first for two years (June 1985 to July 1987) — the next for more than 8 years (Dec 1991 to April 2000) — and — the third in DIAT Deemed University (the new designation of IAT) for almost three years (Dec 2007 to Sep 2010)
I cherish many fond memories of my life in IAT Pune and have written a few stories in my blog about interesting anecdotes that happened during my IAT Pune days.
Here is a hilarious story — it happened in Dec 1991 — during my welcome party at the beginning of my second tenure as Faculty in the Naval Wing of IAT Pune.
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Why Did She Called Me “Neutral”…?
Story By Vikram Karve
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IAT Pune — circa Dec 1991
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YOU ARE “NEUTRAL”
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“You are neutral…” the middle-aged lady with suspiciously black hair said to me.
I was stunned — totally bewildered.
In my life — especially in the Navy — I had been called all sorts of names.
But — no one had ever called me “neutral”.
This happened 33 years ago — in the year 1991.
It was my welcome party at the Officers’ Mess of IAT — an inter-service institution near Pune — to which I had been recently appointed.
This was my second tenure as teaching faculty at IAT — having served as faculty earlier in 1985–1987
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I was enjoying my welcome party in the IAT Officers’ Mess talking to Officers and Scientists — some of whom I knew — their wives.
The middle-aged lady with suspiciously black hair — a senior officer’s wife — she smiled at me.
“How many children do you have…?” she asked me.
I wondered why she was asking this — maybe she wanted to advise me regarding schooling — so — I answered politely.
“Two. I have two children — a boy and a girl…” I said to her.
On hearing this — she remarked:
“You are “NEUTRAL”…”
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I was flabbergasted on hearing her remarks.
It was the first time in my life that someone had called me “neutral”.
I wondered why she had said : “You are “NEUTRAL”…”
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I wanted to find out why she had called me “neutral”.
“Neutral…?” I asked her — with a questioning look.
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On seeing my puzzled look — she elaborated on her remark.
She pointed to my boss — a Commodore — and she said:
“Look at him.
He is so lucky.
He has two sons.
It is a double lottery.
And — look at me.
I have two daughters.
I am so unlucky.
But — you have one son and one daughter.
So — at least you are “neutral” — you are neither lucky nor unlucky…”
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So — she was referring to progeny.
Yes — I was “neutral” in that sense — one son and one daughter — equal number of males and females.
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I decided to discuss her curious views on “gender equation” with her.
“How does it matter whether you have sons or daughters…?” I asked her.
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The senior lady (let us call her “Mrs. G”) — she explained to me:
“You modern Maharashtrians living in cosmopolitan cities like Pune will not understand.
But we come from an upcountry state — and that too — we belong to a business community — and in our community — there is a huge difference between a son and an daughter — and — all this matters a lot.
I wish I had at least one son.”
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I decided to flirt with her a bit.
“Then why don’t you have a son…?” I asked her — tongue-in-cheek.
“We tried to have a son. We took a third chance. We wanted to have a son. But then — I had some “gynaec” problems…” she said most candidly.
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I was not interested in hearing explicit details of her gynaecological problems — so I politely excused myself — and — I headed towards the bar for some “Whisky-Soda”.
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A few days later — during my evening walk — I met Mrs. G — along with her two teenage daughters.
They invited me over for a cup of tea.
As I talked to them — I was highly impressed by the girls — they were smart, intelligent, poised — and full of social graces.
Any parent would feel proud of such accomplished daughters.
But Mrs. G would keep cribbing, whining and carping about her misfortune of having two daughters.
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Two years later — we heard that her elder daughter had secured a merit ranking in the CET for Medical Colleges — and she was selected for admission for the MBBS course at the premier Medical College in Mumbai.
We went to congratulate Mrs. G on her daughter’s success.
But — Mrs. G seemed dejected — and she spoke in a downcast voice:
“What congratulations…?
I am sunk.
I wish my daughter was not selected for MBBS…”
Mrs. G said despondently.
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Stunned into silence for a moment — I asked her in amazement:
“What are you saying…?
Your daughter is going to become a doctor.
Her career — her life — everything is made.”
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“That is what I am worried about…” Mrs. G said.
“Worried…?” I asked her.
“Now we will have to find her a “doctor husband” — a “status match” — and do you know what the “going rate” for a doctor is…?” Mrs. G said matter-of-factly.
“What do you mean by “going rate”…? Dowry…? Are you talking about dowry in this world and age…?” I asked her — surprised.
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Mrs. G gave me an incredulous look.
Then — irritably — she said to me:
“Which world are you living in…?
Of course — you city-bred Maharashtrians will never understand — but in our society — if you want a “status match” — it is an expensive affair.
That is why I warned my husband not to let our daughter appear for CET.
I wanted my daughter to do her BA at Fergusson College or Wadia College.
We could have found some nice fauji boy for her — some nice Army, Navy or Air Force officer.
Or better still — maybe she would have found some good Maharashtrian boy for herself — and settled down here in Pune — and then — there would be no problem of giving dowry too…!”
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“Maybe your beautiful daughter will find some nice Maharashtrian boy in her Medical College…” I said optimistically.
Mrs. G looked at me for some time.
Then her face brightened up — and she said to me:
“I hope so. I really hope so.
I really wish she finds a nice Maharashtrian Doctor Boy.
If what you say comes out to be true — I will give you a big treat…”
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Her exact words to me in Hindi were:
Agar Aisa Hua — To Tumhare Muh Mein “Ghee Shakkar”
( अगर ऐसा हुआ तो तुम्हारे मुह में घी शक्कर )
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Literally translated — this means:
“If what you say actually happens — then — I will put Ghee (clarified butter) and Sugar in your mouth...”
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EPILOGUE
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By the way — what I had predicted — it did actually happen.
Mrs. G’s accomplished daughter fell in love with a nice Maharashtrian Boy studying in her Medical College.
It was mutual love — the nice Maharashtrian Boy also fell in love with Mrs. G’s daughter.
And — the moment they passed out of college — the two doctors happily tied the knot and got married.
Many years have passed since — but I am still waiting for Mrs. G to put “Ghee Shakkar” in my mouth…
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PS:
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This story happened 33 years ago in the year 1991.
Things have changed immensely since.
Today we have gender equality, women’s empowerment and most girls pursue careers and are independent.
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VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:
- This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
- All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/01/why-did-she-called-me-neutral.html
This Story Was Written By Me 11Years Ago Was First Posted Online by me Vikram Karve on 17 September 2013 at 9/17/2013 01:12:00 PM in my blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/09/you-are-neutral-humour-hilarious-story.html and later re-posted a number of times by me including at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/06/humor-in-uniform-senior-lady-who-called.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/you-are-neutral-love-story.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/the-lady-who-called-me-neutral-romance.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/11/06/why-did-she-called-me-neutral/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2022/08/25/you-are-neutral/ etc
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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