Flirty Banter : a romance
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FLIRTY BANTER
Romance Story By Vikram Karve
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Mussoorie — circa 2004
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It is late and the bar at the Savoy in Mussoorie is almost empty.
A couple — a man and a woman — probably in their 30’s — they sit together on a sofa — drinking.
It is quite dark as the lights are dim.
In fact the lights are so dim that the man and the woman can hardly see each other’s face.
They have been drinking for quite some time.
The woman appears pleasantly drunk — as she engages the man in some light-hearted banter.
She slurs loudly as she speaks.
“She dumped you, isn’t it…?” the woman says to the man, her drinking companion.
“No. That’s not true. Leena did not dump me. It was I who left her…” the man says emphatically.
“Come on, Anil. Do you think I don’t know everything about you two…?” the woman says to the man whose name is Anil..
“No. You don’t know anything, Nanda. It was I who left Leena. I told you once — and I am telling you again…! Leena did not dump me. I dumped her. I did not want to live with Leena — so I left her. Yes — it was I who dumped Leena…” the man says to the woman whose name is Nanda.
“Don’t fib…!” the woman says to the man.
“Fib…? Why should I fib…?” the man says.
“Masculine pride…!”
“Masculine pride…? What nonsense…!”
“When a man ditches a woman she gains sympathy — but when a woman dumps a man he becomes a laughing stock, a subject of ridicule…” the woman says to the man.
“So…?” the man asks the woman.
“That’s why you ran away from Bangalore after spreading false stories all around that you were the one who had split up with her — when actually it was Leena who had dumped you unceremoniously…” the woman jeers loudly.
“Talk softly…” the man says.
“Why…? You are afraid of the truth — is it…?” the woman says loudly.
“I told you it is not true. We had our differences. And — I wanted a change of job…” the man says.
“Anil — do you know why Leena dumped you…? Because you are a bloody “loser”. A born loser…!!!” the woman says, mockingly.
“Who told you that…?” the man asks the woman.
“She did. I will never forget what Leena told me about you. Anil — do you want to hear Leena’s exact words…? Listen carefully to what she said about you: “Anil is a born loser who is content to wallow in the gutter and see others climb mountains”. That’s why she left you. Leena was very ambitious. She wanted to go places — she wanted to have the best things in life. She did not want to ruin her life with you — she thought you are a man with no future — a namby-pamby who has no ambition, no drive. Leena told me that you were a “namby-pamby good-for-nothing geek”…” the woman says to the man.
“Namby-pamby…? Good-for-nothing geek…? She called me that…?” the man says, angrily.
“That’s what Leena told me…” the woman says.
“She told you…? When…? Where…?” the man asks her.
“Last year. In Pune. During this same annual IT Seminar. Leena had flown down to Pune from America. She even presented a paper — I’m sure it was plagiarized from something you had written — or from the notes you kept giving her about your work and research…” the woman says.
“I am not interested…!!!” the man says.
“Leena is real smart — a real scheming bitch. She mesmerizes you with her wily charms — uses you to get ahead in her career — and then jettisons you — just throws you away when she’s got what she’s wanted. Like Toilet Paper…!!!” the woman says.
“You are calling me “Toilet Paper”…?” the man says to the woman, with anger in his voice.
“Shall I use a better metaphor than toilet paper…?” the woman starts giggling, and says to the man, “She treated you like a bloody pad — a sanitary napkin…! Use and throw — straight into the dustbin…”
“Shut up, will you…?” the man shouts angrily, “Let’s go now. You are drunk…”
“I still remember our Bangalore days when you used to grovel at her feet — your tongue drooling like a lapdog. And now look where she has reached — she is the hot shot CEO of a top IT company while you wallow in your self-made misery as a “Nobody” in some nondescript place…” the woman says, with sarcasm.
“Please, Nanda…! Let’s go…” the man says, exasperated.
But — the woman is in no mood to go — so she ignores him — and she continues talking loudly:
“Leena is smart. She told me she had managed to hook some NRI Head Honcho. He is an American citizen too. Her life is made…”
“Maybe — she’ll use him and dump him too…!!!” the man says, sardonically.
“Hey…! You have accepted it. You have accepted that she dumped you. I was right…! That calls for a drink…” the woman says, loudly.
“No. You have already had three big bottles of beer…” the man says.
“Who’s counting…?” the woman says happily, lurching from her seat, “Okay. If I have had too much beer — now I’ll have whisky!”
The woman picks up the man’s whisky glass — drinks the whisky “bottoms up” in one go — and she exclaims at the top of her voice:
“Cheers…!!! Down the hatch…!!!”
“What’s wrong with you…?” the man scolds her, “Don’t you know — Beer and Whisky — it’s risky.”
“Risky…! And frisky…! I want to feel frisky…!!!” the woman says.
“You shouldn’t drink so much…” the man says.
“Why…?” the woman asks the man.
“Someone may take advantage of you…” the man says to the woman.
“Ha. Ha. Maybe I want to be taken advantage of — yes — it’s been a long time since anyone took “advantage” of me — come — you take “advantage” of me…” the woman says loudly to the man.
The man remains silent, feeling embarrassed.
Then the woman snuggles up to the man — and she says to him:
“Come on, Lovey-Dovey. Cuddle me. Do something naughty to me — like you used to do to Leena. Remember…!!!”
“Shut up. Someone will hear…!!!” the man says.
“Come on sweetie-pie — don’t be such a Killjoy — come — take “advantage” of me…” the woman says snuggling even closer to the man, “No one will see — no one will hear. We are all alone. There is no one here…!!!”
“We are not alone…” the man whispers gravely — noticing the solitary figure in the shadows for the first time.
He moves close to the woman and says softly into her ear:
“Don’t look behind you…”
“Where…?” the woman shouts in surprise — and she turns around.
The drunk woman sees the silhouette of the man — and she brazenly calls out to him:
“Hey — Mr. Eavesdropper…!!! What are you doing sitting all alone…? Come — why don’t you join us…?”
“Thanks. But it’s okay. I’m fine here…” the stranger says.
“No! No! Come on. Have a drink with us. Don’t be a snob…!” the woman shouts drunkenly.
Then the woman tries to get up and reels towards the stranger.
Seeing her swaying and lurching in an inebriated manner — the stranger quickly joins them — pulling up a chair opposite the sofa.
“I hope we have not been disturbing you…” the man says to the stranger, “We’re sorry. We thought we were all alone in the bar.”
“Not at all…” the stranger says, “in fact — I have been enjoying your flirty banter…”
“Flirty banter…? Wow…!!! That calls for a drink…!!!” the woman says.
“Certainly. My pleasure…!!! The drinks are on me…” the stranger says.
“That’s the spirit…” the woman roars.
“Nanda — please — I think you have had enough to drink…” the man pleads with his woman companion.
“I insist…” the stranger says, “just one last drink…”
“Just one last drink…!” the woman repeats drunkenly, “I’ll have whisky…”
The stranger goes to the counter and orders a round of drinks.
The drinks arrive.
Then the stranger silently sips his drink — he seems to be quite drunk — his eyes closed — as if in stupor.
Meanwhile the flirty couple — the man and woman — Anil and Nanda — they continue their flirty banter.
The woman takes a gulp of whisky — and then — she says to her companion:
“Anil — I am going to give you a real surprise…!!!”
“Surprise…?” her companion, Anil, says.
“Let’s go and wake up Leena…!!!” the woman, Nanda, says
“Leena…? She’s here…? In Mussoorie…?” the man asks, surprised.
“Yes, my dear Anil. Your “Ex” Leena is coming for the seminar too. She must have arrived in the evening when we had gone out for our romantic walk to Lal Tibba…” the woman says.
“How do you know…?” the man, Anil, asks the woman.
“I was the one who called her for this seminar…” the woman says.
“What…? You called Leena for this seminar..? And — you did not tell me…!!!” the man says, totally surprised.
“I purposely didn’t tell you…!!! Would you have come to the seminar if you had known the Leena would be here too…? And by the way — I have not told Leena that you would be here for the seminar. I am just waiting to see the fireworks when you two meet…” the woman says, mischievously.
“I’m going back…!!!” the man says.
“You still desperately love her, don’t you…? After all the harm she has done to you — Leena destroyed your life, your career — but you still love her — aren’t you…?” the woman says.
“No. I am not in love with Leena…” the man says.
“You’re still scared of her, aren’t you…? Tell me Anil — you are still scared of Leena — aren’t you…?” the woman says.
“No. I am not scared of Leena…” the man says.
“Then why are you afraid of facing her…? Come on — Anil — be a man…!!! Ask her why she dumped you so unceremoniously. Leena owes you a bloody explanation — doesn’t she…?” the woman says to the man.
The man feels extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed by his woman companion’s blabbering.
Suddenly — the woman pulls the man’s hand — she lurches drunkenly — and she says to the man:
“Come, Anil. We’ll go to the reception and find out in which room Leena is staying…”
The stranger — who has been sitting silent all this while — suddenly speaks.
“Leena is in Room 406…” the stranger says wryly.
“Room 406…? Leena is in Room 406….? How do you know…?” the woman says — looking at the stranger — her drunken eyes trying to focus on the stranger.
“I am Leena’s husband…” the stranger says, matter-of-factly.
Then — the stranger keeps his glass on the table — and he silently walks out of the bar.
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VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
- This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
- All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
- E&OE
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No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
Link to my source post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/02/room-406-geek-nerd-dork-and-flirty.html
This story was written by me Vikram Karve 17 years ago in the year 2006 and earlier posted online in my creative writing blog on Feb 10, 2006 at url: http://creative.sulekha.com/banter_29171_blog and subsequently I have posted this story a number of times in my various blogs at urls: https://vikramwkarve.wordpress.com/2007/05/18/tete-a-tete/ and http://vikramwamankarve.blogspot.in/2006_04_01_archive.html?m=0 and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/01/geek-nerd-dork-and-some-flirty-banter.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/02/banter-flirty-romance.html andhttp://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/why-did-she-dump-me.html and https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/02/room-406-geek-nerd-dork-and-flirty.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2020/11/23/flirty-banter/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2020/01/10/a-geek-a-nerd-a-dork-and-flirty-banter/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/02/04/a-geek-a-nerd-a-dork-and-their-flirty-banter/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/07/14/flirty-banter-2/ etc
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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